“Growing up, I always looked outside of myself for validation. I always wanted people to like me. HUGE people pleaser. It took me years and years of struggle with other people’s thoughts of me. It was debilitating. It caused me to be self conscious, feel badly about myself, even fall into a deep depression. One day I decided to not care. And no, it was not as simple as it sounds. What I really decided was I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. From that day forth I thought “Why am I letting people who I won’t even remember and won’t matter to me after school dictate my life?'“ From that it was an uphill battle of letting go of what people thought. I tried different methods. Faked it til I made it. Years of practice until the faking was no longer faking. Once I realized people were gonna judge me no matter what, I realized it’s best to do what I want, what makes me happy. Because it’s my life and I’m the one living it. I have to wake up everyday and live my life. No one else. And I’m so proud of myself for learning, I don’t need validation from anyone else.”
Raihyah
“I spent months pouring my heart and soul into my decision to apply for graduate school, but self-doubt had crept in, clouding my confidence. As I nervously submitted my application to a prestigious university, I couldn't shake the feeling of rejection. Weeks later, an unexpected email popped into mu inbox, announcing that I have been accepted in my graduate program. The validation I craved flooded my being, washing away the doubts that had plagued me. In that moment, as I read and reread the email with tears of joy in my eyes, I felt seen, appreciated, and affirmed in my talent. It was a powerful reminder that my words had value, and my voice is ready to be heard."
Vinchelle V.
Validation is a lifelong process. For a long time, I survived on outside validation to propel my internal validation. I believed in myself, but, importantly, it was that external validation that confirmed I was right. It got me far, but it was fragile. My first professional workplace made it clear that I was not valued in their rigid structure of white, old, male patriarchy. I was able to convince so many people and institutions of my value before; I did not understand. I could not compute that these people didn’t see that value. I worked hard to gain recognition of my skills and was vocal about being overlooked for projects, but I eventually gave up the fight.
The sting of that environment and the impact it had on me is still present. Now I am rebuilding what it means to value myself, first, and then what I can bring to the world around me by showing up authentically as me. I cannot overlook the people who love me for me and remind me of the things I started to overlook. And, then there are these awesome moments when it is my voice telling me those validating things. It is truly transformative. Every day I am gaining momentum in seamlessly validating myself, believing that I deserve all the things I want and that both of those things are not contingent on what others see in me. Validation is a journey and each moment, each step is the foundation I build it on.
Kayla L.